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the first day ever

14 May

some days feel like the first day ever

my feet touch the floor beside my bed

for the first time ever

i have to remember how to brush my teeth

never had to do it before this day

my legs feel weird and kind of rubbery

and walking is a total mystery

never did this sort of stuff before

never really had all this flesh and bone

and these words that i type are a miracle

and words are weird little things

never had to use them before

it feels as though my body and my brain

are brand new

like presents on Christmas morning

i am something undefined and open

everywhere and nowhere at the same time

nevertheless my new body and new mind

know just what to do and do it well

as i watch in mute amazement

a pleasurable pandemic

12 May

we are seeing the first particles

peeking out from beneath the pinnacle

a popular pot at the end of the plot

a pleasurable pandemic to be sure

nobody will feel any pain

as we pop into pieces and pour

possibilities into our veins

a post-op sort of world full of pop-ups

no relief from the pawn shop horrors

and yet we crave this paradise

like pins crave their cushion

a pleasurable pandemic to be sure

hilarious

11 May

did’ja hear about the man screaming on the plane?

thought he saw snakes, hilarious

or the man who mistook his girlfriend for a light bulb?

and tried to screw her into a socket, hilarious

these days feel like a badly staged vaudeville act

creased and grainy, and all in black and white

the jokes are obvious and don’t get any better

when they are yelled at the top of the comedian’s voice

about as hilarious as a poop sandwich

and just as smelly

i guess everybody is just sitting on needles

waiting for the results of the latest probe

everybody’s in need of a colonoscopy

hilarious

nothing worthwhile to write

10 May

i’m having one of those mornings

when i have nothing worthwhile to write

i really thought about skipping the poem

this time, and wait until i’m in touch with

my better angel (how i hate that expression,

are there worse angels, angels that didn’t make

the grade, oh yeah….Lucifer….never mind)

but i digress, and in that perhaps something

worthwhile may have been written, who knows?

i don’t know why i should care so much

about what i write, after all

people write pages and pages and pages of drivel

day after day and nobody cares because nobody

reads any of it,

so how about you?

do you read this drivel?

the words won’t come

9 May

there are times when i am

only a creature without speech

able to grunt and sigh

and point to the source of my

frustrations

like a crying child for whom

words are no consolation

i can’t tell you what i want

or how i feel

but if you could see my face

and feel my hands

you’d know

the words won’t come

they cannot come

for i am too old

i am too young

the trouble with trouble

8 May

trouble is never welcome

which is the trouble with trouble

perhaps if i greeted trouble

with open arms, as a partner and friend

i’d have less trouble with trouble

i wouldn’t have to avoid trouble

for trouble is simply a gauge

of how much i still have to learn

i haven’t worked out all the twists and turns

that’s the trouble with trouble

so many angles

so many blind spots

so much to learn

the night

7 May

sometimes the night can invade the day

if a life is delayed

for desires are like kittens

they have sharp teeth and claws

and they don’t remain small for long

eventually your ideas become obsessions

tucked away into the night

sucking away the light of reason

leaving only madness

can you remember what you did?

when you thought no one could see

such a pity

for who can truly understand when

night invades the day?

they cannot and so they turn away

and curse the darkness

which, of course, only makes it stronger

so much

6 May

i want to live so much

but i sleep for too long

and i always end up in the same places

doing the same things

for the same reasons

so much needs to be done

so much time wasted

so much, too much for any one man

i need to expand until i can feel

the length and breadth of my desires

and that would exceed the limits

of the known universe

so much to see

so much to learn

so much to be

i have to be more than myself

more than the world

even more than can be imagined

all clogged up

5 May

and so today i am filled with

all the dust and the pollen

bird droppings, dog droppings

bug poop, car exhaust, you name it

it’s all found a home in my lungs

and my face is scratchy and hot

and my eyes are puffy and full of

smog, all clogged up like

an old attic full of dusty artifacts

i feel as old as those statues

missing arms, legs and heads

caked with the shit of centuries

the magnificent if

4 May

all hope is invested

and all taboos are lifted

on behalf of the magnificent if

perhaps all will be forgiven

and life will have a different sheen

as we venture out uncertainly

into the vast unknown

we shall hold our breath

in anxious anticipation

of the magnificent if

if, it can happen

within the why and the when

and the which