invisible critic, invisible pal

22 Jul

all my life (which is so long by now it makes me tired just to think of it)

i have had this invisible critic who nitpicked all the time

tearing my experience into tiny little pieces

leaving me the victim of some kind of invisible accident

but i also had a pal, also invisible, but invisible or not

i was glad he was there

he’d comfort me when no else would

when no one else could

when the world had become too large for me to hold

he was there when i needed to know i was not alone

both critic and pal have stuck to me like glue

my pal allows me to tolerate the critic

and the critic allows me to not become too dependent

upon the pal

here i am standing between the pillar and the post

between severity and mercy

the critic and the pal

i exam

21 Jul

so today i am scheduled to have an i exam

he will peer inside and see what lurks

people whose names i have forgotten

float by and obstruct his view of my

inner eye

flames are flashing around the black hole

where resentments and disappointments rot

nutrients for new growth

for even an old tree like me can have fresh sprouts

yep! today i get my i checked out

find out who i really am and learn what’s what

sometimes i worry a little, sometimes a lot

which is why

i wear a hat when i sleep

shards of a pot

20 Jul

it may too late for the crockery

too many pots are cracked

the pot may be medically legal

but the pot is a cracked crock

i don’t know how much it takes to patch

but it doesn’t make a hole lot of cents

to keep on digging for gold

donut disturb

men at work

i’d crack a joke but it’d break me up

shards of a crock

cut my feet when i stumble over

chatty birds

19 Jul

i could hear the seagulls as i left my house this morning

such chatty birds

listening in to all our conversations

even this far from the water

“one good hope come from this”

“it’s one red flag, he has no backup here”

the two humans seemed pleased

seagulls don’t like red flags nearly as much

such chatty birds

red flags say ‘go away, we don’t want you here!’

other conversations taking place too

in languages the seagulls could not understand

“pigeons everywhere, it is so disgusting” the gulls say

and the crows agree

loudly and without restraint

such chatty, raucous, nasty birds

listening in to what we say

it’s hard for me to tell

18 Jul

hard is hardest when hard is the place

where i could hardly tell i fell

sometimes conversations can be murky

when they are wireless and hanging

from a storm cloud

what does all of this spinning mean?

must i put aside my craziness for a moment

and see what shakes behind the screen?

something is happening

i can feel the vibrations in my hands

what though is awfully hard to tell

hard is hardest when it is hardly hard

sometimes answers can be too easy

so easy we miss them altogether

tough yet tender

17 Jul

sometimes my ways seem tough

unyielding, stern, and filled with a stoic sadness

yet tender are my thoughts and tender

is my touch on those few occasions when

i reach out for you

sometimes i think i can take on the world

but i would take it on with tenderness

acceptance and understanding

other times i find to it hard to do

anything at all

my heart feels wounded at such times

in need of someone tender

how you do?

16 Jul

so your vision, how is it? Far how you’ve seen?

how you go nowdays, how you do?

treated right, your life? maybe a little more cream?

so your hearing, good yes?

reading is too much for brain

so how you hanging now boss?

how you do?

the day, it is sunny, no? crows caw, dogs bark, yes?

no worries, is ok

so nice day right?

how you do?

i like old things

15 Jul

i like old things

back when things had a design

a look that spoke of dreams

instead of convenience

i like old buildings

filled with mysteries

i like old gas guzzlers

not just a car but a work of art

i like old books

back when books were an adventure

instead of an opportunity to advertise

i like old things like myself

filled with stories

too many to be told

too much information

14 Jul

too much information buzzin’ round my brain

too much information bound to drive this boy insane

i know how long it takes for a carbunkle to form

i know the President of Serbia, well ex-President now

he sells cars down by El Cerrito, some say it ain’t the only

thing he sells, Whew boy! He ain’t no Sally Come Lately

too much information can get a foolish man arrested

ask yourself

do you really want your name in the papers?

it only hurts when i laugh, he said clutching his throat

all the information you need is in that briefcase

sometimes i think i watch too much television

a quiet afternoon beside crystal clear water

no information of any kind

now that’s my idea of streaming

one snapshot at a time

13 Jul

my life is but a series of moments

documented upon some invisible film

one snapshot at a time

the way the light fell on the wall

the way that person walked

how lonely felt the bowl of cereal

sitting upon an otherwise bare counter

one snapshot at a time makes up a life

of no interest perhaps when they are taken

but invaluable when gazed upon

from the perspective of eternity