shamed

28 Aug

shamed into admitting

that i want to touch everyone

tenderly

and be touched in return

kindly, considerately

with empathy and compassion

shamed into admitting

that i have that ugly tendency

to show myself at all the wrong moments

when everyone wishes i’d hide

where i can no longer be seen

and where my needs can no longer be felt

shamed into admitting

that i crave love, need love, and love to be loved

but love has become a nasty word

drenched in sarcasm

and when i ask for love

i am weak and contemptable

i should be ashamed they say

but i shall not be shamed into hating

shamed into destroying myself

in the name of strength

 

we talked

27 Aug

she was wary

she wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay

but she sat

rigid in her concern

and we talked

and we talked

and then

we talked some more

for hours we talked

about our mothers

and our fathers

our lovers

and how we want to change our lives

to better match our dreams

expressions of pain

laughter, and words not said

but understood nevertheless

we are so similar she said

and yet so dissimilar i said

have i said too much?

26 Aug

have i said too much?

have i gone too far?

should i have remained silent

near the door

where i could make my getaway

have i revealed my passion

for all to see

and evaluate?

is it worth the ridicule

honesty always provokes

in those who have never forgiven

themselves?

i don’t know for sure

i only know how my body

is on fire with desire

to be exactly what i am on this earth

to be

to fulfill your desires

25 Aug

it can be rough sailing at times

on the way to fulfill your desires

for there are always those

who want you to feel their pain

who wince at your joy

and see a dark motive beneath

your innocent request

you can be dragged through the mud

for giving a voice to the voiceless

speaking those forbidden words of desire

for which millions of died

throughout the annals of time

a million lifetimes

24 Aug

i want to live a million lifetimes

but even that

would not be enough

to quench my thirst

for i want to play the forever game

forgetting so i may have the pleasure

of rediscovering just who i am

and then toss myself out upon the four winds

reshuffle

and begin again

i want to find the end that is only another beginning

to a million, billion, and more

lifetimes to explore

 

tell me about my body

23 Aug

go ahead

don’t be shy

tell me everything

tell me about my loneliness

which is actually your loneliness

reflected back

tell me about my responsibilities

which are actually your responsibilities

reflected back upon your memories

of how it feels to be human

tell me about my body

which is actually your body

switched around

and with a lot more hair in certain places

tell me about my shame

which is actually your shame

in not ever being able to completely

cover up

tell me

tell it all

then be silent and know

you are i

and i am you

bouncing back

 

weaponized

22 Aug

even a smile and a handshake

can be weaponized

made to seal a deal

you didn’t even know you made

before you even realized it

you found yourself on a battlefield

silent staring from across the room

the atmosphere is so tense

everyone is waiting for the big loud BOOM!

when a hug feels like a bed of nails

and a kiss sends a rocket into your chest

then you know your life has been weaponized

and your home has become a no man’s land

will you let me in?

21 Aug

what will you think when i show up

at your door

naked in my desire

lonely like a whore?

would you turn me away

like a nasty piece of business

you want no part of?

or would you invite me in

and offer me some comfort

from the incessant wind of

my own self-judgement?

would you let me in?

where i could see your own

wounds

stark upon your own nakedness

starved for kindness

lonely like a priest?

i wonder if we can offer ourselves

imperfect beasts

can we give each other

a soft and tender peace?

 

so disapointed

20 Aug

so dosapointed

that i can’t even spell disapointed

those letters have gone

with the death of those cells within my brain

often my life takes turns

and all i can do is follow numbly

uncomprehendingly

without a proper guide

no dictionary

and so

i feel abandoned, betrayed

like a goldfish taken

from out it’s bowl

strugling for ir

as the leters disapear

 

i’ll show you mine if….

19 Aug

somebody has to step out into the light

and confront this crazy darkness swirling

round our heads

going berserk with so many questions

not an easy time to be polite

everybody wants to know what the other person

is packing

beneath that rude smile

somebody just needs to take a chance

on love

i’ll show you mine if…

you show me yours

take as many pictures as you like

make as many comments as you care to

spilling out your brains upon the page

publish all of it online

our lies have been leaking out all of our lives

may as well get something out of it, right?

let’s deal with this dance of the dead

with a new dance all our own

showing all the cards we are holding

and astound one another with

what we are exposing

making it all good again

with our loving gaze

 

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